Nonfiction

Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole

Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole

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  • Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
  • Create Date：2022-05-16 18:16:47
  • Update Date：2025-09-24
  • Status：finish
  • Author：Susan Cain
  • ISBN：0241300681
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Summary

Loss and impermanence are inescapable， part of the warp and weft of our lives。 They are essential to love， to growth， and to art。 And yet， too often， we do not acknowledge loss， let alone honour the experience of it。

Illuminating， thoughtful， and deeply necessary， Susan Cain's new book will help us to name and value the experience of loss， pointing the way toward ways of being and rituals that help us to accept it rather than bury it。 Blending memoir， reportage， and social science， it will reveal that joy and loss exist in equilibrium; that vulnerability， or even a melancholy temperament， can be a strength; and that embracing our inevitable losses makes us more human and more whole。

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Reviews

Alyssa ，

I nearly skipped my April BOTM selection， but when this book was advertised for people who like to listen to sad songs， I couldn’t help but be curious， because I am in fact the type of person who’ll listen to sad songs， even when I’m happy。 They hit better， they just do。 And when the prologue talked about the cellist of Sarajevo， whom I already knew about and have been inspired by， that was it， I was sold。 Bittersweet started， apparently， with the author wondering why it is that some people like I nearly skipped my April BOTM selection， but when this book was advertised for people who like to listen to sad songs， I couldn’t help but be curious， because I am in fact the type of person who’ll listen to sad songs， even when I’m happy。 They hit better， they just do。 And when the prologue talked about the cellist of Sarajevo， whom I already knew about and have been inspired by， that was it， I was sold。 Bittersweet started， apparently， with the author wondering why it is that some people like to listen to sad songs。 As she looked into this question， the scope of her research broadened into something more， and so did this book。 So it’s not just a look into why people like listening to sad songs: it was a meditation on sadness and grief as a whole， and argues that they’re crucial to life。 （Note: not depression。 The author makes a disclaimer at the beginning of the book that this is about the sorrow that’s part of everyday life， and does not romanticize clinical depression。）On one hand， I did know that letting yourself feel sadness is healthy and essential to your emotional well-being。 I learned that lesson in therapy， plus I consider myself a melancholic （or phlegmatic， it depends on the day） person。 But it was still nice and validating to hear Susan Cain dig into the hows and whys of it。 Not necessarily in a chemical reaction way， but in a “this is how this person’s life got better by acknowledging their grief” way。 Don’t get me wrong， the approach is still thoughtful and the author does back up her arguments with research and the occasional ironclad evidence， but the writing is a lot more emotional than scientific。 It was nice。 It was like attending a therapy session。I also appreciated the way it talked about toxic positivity， especially how ingrained it’s ingrained in American culture specifically。 The United States is one of the most smiley countries in the world; energy， enthusiasm， and go-getter attitudes are highly valued here， and don’t leave much room for public expressions of sorrow or vulnerability。 We as a culture tend to place positive thinking as a cure-all when in fact a perpetually positive mindset can be damaging， and while I hate how that’s screwed our culture up， it’s also reassuring to know that shouldn’t be the case， and that American positivity culture is actually a little bit outside the norm when compared to other cultural approaches to sorrow。 I will say there were a few times when the author promoted herself and her brand in the book。 Thankfully that only happened， like， two or three times， so it didn’t detract too much from my enjoyment。 But when it did happen， it felt jarring and off-putting。 This was a cathartic and unexpectedly easy book to read （like， it’s surprisingly short）。 I hope it encourages more acceptance of sadness and less toxic positivity — god knows there’s a lot of people who need that message。 。。。more

David ，

Susan Cain's Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking is rightfully on my all-time nonfiction favorites bookshelf。 While this might not be as throughly impactful， it's a thought-provoking look at a single emotion which seems to capture a depth of humanity and spirituality like no other， and seems seldom mentioned。 Susan Cain's Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking is rightfully on my all-time nonfiction favorites bookshelf。 While this might not be as throughly impactful， it's a thought-provoking look at a single emotion which seems to capture a depth of humanity and spirituality like no other， and seems seldom mentioned。 。。。more

Christina Haas ，

I loved Susan’s first book， Quiet， so much - and looked forward to enjoying this book as much， if not more。 I had a harder time finding a rhythm and following the threads in this book。 There were some sweet and poignant stories and the subject of longing and bitter sweetness seems to aptly describe my own feelings about life。 Yet even with the personal connection to the material， I found it hard to stay engaged。 My favorite chapter was the one on Epigenetic’s， and while fascinating， didn’t feel I loved Susan’s first book， Quiet， so much - and looked forward to enjoying this book as much， if not more。 I had a harder time finding a rhythm and following the threads in this book。 There were some sweet and poignant stories and the subject of longing and bitter sweetness seems to aptly describe my own feelings about life。 Yet even with the personal connection to the material， I found it hard to stay engaged。 My favorite chapter was the one on Epigenetic’s， and while fascinating， didn’t feel it’s connection to the thesis of sorrow and longing making us whole。 。。。more

Abbi ，

I so appreciate books that help me see my whole world in a new light， and that’s what this book did for me。 I liked how Cain weaved her own personal experiences， others’ experiences， ancient wisdom， and modern research together。 I have been feeling a growing distaste for how anger and contempt are playing such a strong role in our society’s dialogue， and after reading this book， I see that opening our hearts to shared sorrow and longing can be an antidote to this problem。 I love her practical ad I so appreciate books that help me see my whole world in a new light， and that’s what this book did for me。 I liked how Cain weaved her own personal experiences， others’ experiences， ancient wisdom， and modern research together。 I have been feeling a growing distaste for how anger and contempt are playing such a strong role in our society’s dialogue， and after reading this book， I see that opening our hearts to shared sorrow and longing can be an antidote to this problem。 I love her practical advice of loving-kindness meditation， the daily practice of bowing， the healing process of engaging in a creative effort to turn our pain into beauty， and the work of becoming a wounded healer。 So much good stuff in here！ Highly recommend。 。。。more

Vikki ，

Some thought provoking insights。

Paige Stephens ，

4 starsThis was a very accessible nonfiction book about the importance of longing and negative emotions that add meaning and depth to life。 I think the discussion around accepting these emotions rather than repressing or ignoring them is important in a society fueled by toxic positivity。 Ultimately， bittersweet feelings make us whole -- they are valuable because they signal the temporary nature of life along with its joys。 However， I found that some of the stories and chapters of the book were l 4 starsThis was a very accessible nonfiction book about the importance of longing and negative emotions that add meaning and depth to life。 I think the discussion around accepting these emotions rather than repressing or ignoring them is important in a society fueled by toxic positivity。 Ultimately， bittersweet feelings make us whole -- they are valuable because they signal the temporary nature of life along with its joys。 However， I found that some of the stories and chapters of the book were less interesting than others。 。。。more

Burty ，

Made it 40%

Alyssa ，

So well written with a beautiful message！

Gina Schneider ，

Susan Cain’s bittersweet book comes at a perfect time in history。 Reeling from pandemic losses， economic upheaval， war， and all human suffering we yearn for compassion and a way through it all。 She calls in the reader to accept the bitter parts of life with a gentle flexibility and openness to their beauty and the wisdom waiting there。

Randi McEnrue ，

3。5

Amanda ，

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 I liked Quiet， but this one didn't resonate with me。 It felt way more like a Malcolm Gladwell book， and the chapters where she focused on an immortalist cult and how to make bittersweetness a competitive business advantage just rubbed me the wrong way。 I liked Quiet， but this one didn't resonate with me。 It felt way more like a Malcolm Gladwell book， and the chapters where she focused on an immortalist cult and how to make bittersweetness a competitive business advantage just rubbed me the wrong way。 。。。more

Kevin Krein ，

hey， so， like， to start with， perhaps i am in the wrong demographic for this book， but this was rough。i don't always listen to either of them—really only when there is a guest i am interested in， but susan cain was on both glennon doyle's and brene brown's respective podcasts recently to promote the book prior to its release。 and i thought the idea of a book about a bittersweet， or melancholic feeling， seemed like something that i would be interested in reading。this was not the worst book i've e hey， so， like， to start with， perhaps i am in the wrong demographic for this book， but this was rough。i don't always listen to either of them—really only when there is a guest i am interested in， but susan cain was on both glennon doyle's and brene brown's respective podcasts recently to promote the book prior to its release。 and i thought the idea of a book about a bittersweet， or melancholic feeling， seemed like something that i would be interested in reading。this was not the worst book i've ever read， but i think that i have tried to make it through enough "pop psychology" books in the last year or two that i should know better now that these are not for me。 i am simply amazed how susan cain wrote this whole ass book （240-ish pages） and in saying so much， said so little， and was somewhat condescending while doing so。 she regales us with anecdotes and travels the world to meet with subject matter experts or whatever but in the end， is unable to clearly tie any of this together to the conceit of the book。 her penchant for breaking the fourth wall was cumbersome and clunky at best， and the way she both tried to reference footnotes， or asides， and cite websites within the writing itself was awkward。 by the end， i was like， ok i get it—you've always been drawn to sad things and you really liked leonard cohen。 。。。more

Joshua ，

Her work is incredible and will always recommend it to anyone。 This felt like therapy by each page read but was enjoyable and eye opening till the end。

Leanne Hale ，

BOTM pick， and not something I'd normally have chosen， but after losing my mother， grandmother， brother， and a close friend in two years， it seemed too timely not to。 The first and last quarters were my favorite parts， as Cain explores the profound beauty in melancholy and also working through different kinds of grief。 This is definitely worth a read and was full of good reminders for me。 BOTM pick， and not something I'd normally have chosen， but after losing my mother， grandmother， brother， and a close friend in two years， it seemed too timely not to。 The first and last quarters were my favorite parts， as Cain explores the profound beauty in melancholy and also working through different kinds of grief。 This is definitely worth a read and was full of good reminders for me。 。。。more

Casey ，

As a melancholic/bittersweet person I felt deeply moved and understood by this book。 I found myself tearing up and or nodding in agreement， or verbally saying YES THIS！！！！ Just a chapter in I knew this book was going to be a favorite so I found myself slowing down to savor it rather than read in a day。 I didn’t want it to end。 Truly a beautifully written book that is fascinating yet familiar。 Especially impressed by the inclusion of trans-generational trauma and epigenetics。 I highly recommend t As a melancholic/bittersweet person I felt deeply moved and understood by this book。 I found myself tearing up and or nodding in agreement， or verbally saying YES THIS！！！！ Just a chapter in I knew this book was going to be a favorite so I found myself slowing down to savor it rather than read in a day。 I didn’t want it to end。 Truly a beautifully written book that is fascinating yet familiar。 Especially impressed by the inclusion of trans-generational trauma and epigenetics。 I highly recommend this book to everyone。 。。。more

Michelle ，

One of my favorite poems Kindness by Naomi Shihab Nye directly ties experiencing of sorrow with the ability to share kindness。 “Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside，you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing。You must wake up with sorrow。You must speak to it till your voicecatches the thread of all sorrowsand you see the size of the cloth。Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore。 “This is essentially Susan Cain’s hypothesis: that deeply feeling the sorrows and injust One of my favorite poems Kindness by Naomi Shihab Nye directly ties experiencing of sorrow with the ability to share kindness。 “Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside，you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing。You must wake up with sorrow。You must speak to it till your voicecatches the thread of all sorrowsand you see the size of the cloth。Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore。 “This is essentially Susan Cain’s hypothesis: that deeply feeling the sorrows and injustices of life （or being a person for whom bittersweetness and melancholy is a way of being） helps one more able to understand the fullness of the human experience and become more human in the process。 She jumps around a but overall I really liked the message。 3。5 stars rounded up。 。。。more

Lauren ，

This book really opened my eyes to a lot of similar thoughts I've had in my lifetime and there was definitely many points I related too。 Highly recommend if you find yourself questioning why you feel the way you feel。 This book really opened my eyes to a lot of similar thoughts I've had in my lifetime and there was definitely many points I related too。 Highly recommend if you find yourself questioning why you feel the way you feel。 。。。more

Liz Davidson ，

I really enjoyed this。 It made me feel better about my own tendencies towards melancholy， and helped me find kinship with other people who like things that are both beautiful and sad。

Wayne Clark ，

I have been a fan of Susan Cain since Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking so I knew I had to get a copy of Bittersweet。 However， I struggled at the start but kept with it。 In two days time， I transcended （intentional verb， see the book！） from struggling to being captivated。I zipped right through the rest of the book in a matter of a day or two with rapt attention。 It turned out to be one of the most positive， personally-influential books I have read。 I have been a fan of Susan Cain since Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking so I knew I had to get a copy of Bittersweet。 However， I struggled at the start but kept with it。 In two days time， I transcended （intentional verb， see the book！） from struggling to being captivated。I zipped right through the rest of the book in a matter of a day or two with rapt attention。 It turned out to be one of the most positive， personally-influential books I have read。 。。。more

Pallu ，

I think all of us have felt the longing for something more beautiful and just in the world。 Susan Cain’s book Bittersweet gave me a lot to think about on how the longing for something different unites us as human。

Dominique ，

I’ve never read a book like this。 I chose this as my April BOTM choice because at that time， I was dealing with the stress of bad cards dealt to some of my family。 I couldn’t grapple with what my role was and why I always seem to solely invest myself into others bittersweet momentsThis book taught me a lot about myself and a lot about the way we look， absorb， and involve ourselves in those bittersweet momentsAs someone who suffers from anxiety and depression， it can often be difficult to cope wi I’ve never read a book like this。 I chose this as my April BOTM choice because at that time， I was dealing with the stress of bad cards dealt to some of my family。 I couldn’t grapple with what my role was and why I always seem to solely invest myself into others bittersweet momentsThis book taught me a lot about myself and a lot about the way we look， absorb， and involve ourselves in those bittersweet momentsAs someone who suffers from anxiety and depression， it can often be difficult to cope with the negativities of life I’m presentedThis book is well worth the read。 Her last chapter was my favorite and I think because of this book I am going to slow down， pay attention to what I long for and what I truly treasure 。。。more

Becky ，

This book felt very much like home。 "。。。there's the simple exhortation to turn in the direction of beauty。 You don't have to follow any particular faith or wisdom tradition to realize that the sacred and miraculous are everywhere--literally they are all over the place--even though we moderns tend to walk around not noticing them。"When the author talked of "Sehnsucht"， the German word meaning inconsolable longing， I felt seen and understood。 The way I feel about nature， the heart swelling of some This book felt very much like home。 "。。。there's the simple exhortation to turn in the direction of beauty。 You don't have to follow any particular faith or wisdom tradition to realize that the sacred and miraculous are everywhere--literally they are all over the place--even though we moderns tend to walk around not noticing them。"When the author talked of "Sehnsucht"， the German word meaning inconsolable longing， I felt seen and understood。 The way I feel about nature， the heart swelling of some poems and songs， it is all described here。 I embrace poignancy， it is who I am。 。。。more

Cosette Coleman ，

This came into my life at the perfect time。

Jon Anderson ，

Helped me understand why I am the way I am and that it is okay。 Fantastic

Bob DeRosa ，

This book wrecked me。。。in the same beautiful way that a fantastic sad song does。 Loved it。

Karen Boman ，

Another thought-provoking， interesting read from Susan Cain。

Christine ，

I would never call myself marginalized， but when you’re a melancholic introvert it can sometimes feel like you’re not really meant for THIS world。 I like that Susan Cain makes people like me feel more seen through her books， even if we personally hate attention。 Cain lured me in to this read by using music as a gateway to melancholia。 She is an avid Leonard Cohen fan and explained that funny feeling， I know all to well， of how sad music can weirdly make you feel love。 Or better put， “Music makes I would never call myself marginalized， but when you’re a melancholic introvert it can sometimes feel like you’re not really meant for THIS world。 I like that Susan Cain makes people like me feel more seen through her books， even if we personally hate attention。 Cain lured me in to this read by using music as a gateway to melancholia。 She is an avid Leonard Cohen fan and explained that funny feeling， I know all to well， of how sad music can weirdly make you feel love。 Or better put， “Music makes my heart open。” Always one for a good fun fact， I also enjoyed learning that people whose favorite songs are happy will listen to it， on average， 175 times。 But those whose favorite song is sad will listen to a song about 800 times。 Add one more zero and that describes me perfectly。I liked learning about the different spiritual approaches that embrace melancholy — from the Buddhists who embrace a world of suffering， to the story of the Kabbalah in which all of the goodness in the world came in the form of a vessel of light。 How one day that vessel broke sending shards of light scattered around the world。 How it is our duty to find those shards of light — to find and appreciate the goodness hidden in sight。This book was also cholk-full of great bittersweet quotes:“Everything you love you will eventually lose， but in the end love will return in a different form” - Kafka “Those who let their eyes adjust can see in the darkness”“If you think you’re enlightened， spend a week with your family at Thanksgiving” - Ram Dass“He who has a WHY to live for can bear almost any HOW” - Nietzsche 。。。more

Karli Sherwinter ，

I really love when we are able to talk about the role that sadness plays in our lives。 I listened to this as an audiobook read by the author herself。 I felt very connected to her as she talked about her relationship with her mother， her connection to generational trauma， and the feeling of longing that we all share。 This book and her previous book， Quiet， both felt powerful for me in a meaningful way。 She has a very eloquent way of discussing things that seem obvious， but are rarely explicitly e I really love when we are able to talk about the role that sadness plays in our lives。 I listened to this as an audiobook read by the author herself。 I felt very connected to her as she talked about her relationship with her mother， her connection to generational trauma， and the feeling of longing that we all share。 This book and her previous book， Quiet， both felt powerful for me in a meaningful way。 She has a very eloquent way of discussing things that seem obvious， but are rarely explicitly explained。 。。。more

Mara ，

I just love Susan Cain's work！ Bittersweet wasn't what I expected， but I adored it。 She manages to explain things I have been aware of but not been able to name。 I wasn't expecting so much of a focus on philosophy and spirituality， but found the book to be so thought-provoking and poignant。 Bittersweet seems to intersect well with some of the other books I've read this year relating to pursuing deeper connections， enjoyment， and creative pursuits。 I love that accepting all our thoughts and feeli I just love Susan Cain's work！ Bittersweet wasn't what I expected， but I adored it。 She manages to explain things I have been aware of but not been able to name。 I wasn't expecting so much of a focus on philosophy and spirituality， but found the book to be so thought-provoking and poignant。 Bittersweet seems to intersect well with some of the other books I've read this year relating to pursuing deeper connections， enjoyment， and creative pursuits。 I love that accepting all our thoughts and feelings connects us and helps us process our experiences。 。。。more

Kris W ，

Interesting book， but fell a little short of Quiet。

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0